“Think Before You Speak”: Integrating Emotional Regulation Lessons in Your SEL Curriculum

We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of your lesson, and two students erupt into an argument because one said something the other didn’t like. The room, once peaceful, is now an arena. Emotional regulation? Not anywhere in sight.

You’re left thinking, “Is stopping these vocal sparring matches part of my job description?” Spoiler alert—it is. Teaching students to manage their emotions and think carefully before speaking may not be in your contract, but it’s definitely part of the unwritten rulebook of teaching. 

This is where emotional regulation and Social Emotional Learning (SEL) come into play. These aren’t just new buzzwords—they’re lifelines for teachers who want fewer disruptions and more harmonious classrooms. 

And the good news? You don’t have to be a licensed therapist to integrate these lessons into your curriculum. It starts with a simple principle we all know well but sometimes struggle to practice ourselves: “Think before you speak.” 

But before we start peeling back the layers on how to teach this to your class, it’s worth pausing to unpack what emotional regulation actually is and why it’s so essential (oops, make that needed) in SEL. 

What is Emotional Regulation?

Picture this: You’re running late for work, your coffee spills, and then you hit traffic. Your instinct might be to yell, cry, or even angrily tweet about it. Emotional regulation, though, is that magical ability to take a deep breath, assess the situation, and manage your feelings instead of letting them take the wheel. 

Simply put, emotional regulation is the ability to recognize and control your emotions to respond—rather than react—to any given situation. It’s not about eliminating feelings (no one’s asking students to turn into robots!). It’s about helping them learn to pause, process, and choose their response carefully.

For kids, emotional regulation is a skill that doesn’t necessarily come naturally. That’s why we (teachers, mentors, parents) need to step in. It’s not just about telling them to “calm down.” It’s so much more nuanced—we’re talking about helping students notice when their frustration meter is climbing and giving them strategies to level it back down before they burst.

The best part? Emotional regulation is a teachable, learnable skill. Tools like breathing exercises, mindfulness, or even teaching students to recognize and label their feelings are game-changers. But why does this matter for your SEL curriculum? 

Is Self-Regulation Part of SEL?

Short answer: Yes. 

The long answer, however, is that self-regulation is practically the foundation of SEL. Social Emotional Learning aims to equip students with the skills they need to understand themselves, build relationships, and make responsible decisions. 

And self-regulation (aka knowing how to keep your emotions in check and respond appropriately) is smack-dab in the middle of it all.

How can a student show empathy if they’re consumed by their own frustration? Or work collaboratively in a group project if their emotions are bouncing off the walls? 

Self-regulation is the bridge between feelings and actions. It’s like a secret superpower that helps students pause and think about how their words (or actions) might affect those around them.

The best part? Self-regulation isn’t just for handling the negative stuff. It also helps with positive feelings. Instead of blurting out answers in excitement, students learn patience. Instead of boasting about their achievements, they can celebrate while staying humble. Self-regulation brings balance to both ends of the emotional spectrum.

Integrating lessons on self-regulation into SEL doesn’t have to feel like you’re adding more to your already maxed-out plate. Small, intentional activities can go a long way. 

Things like role-playing exercises where students imagine themselves in different scenarios or journaling to process feelings can help build self-awareness. Add in opportunities to reflect after group work or conflicts, and you’re leveling up their self-regulation skills without breaking a sweat. 

What Does it Mean to “Think Before You Speak”?

Teaching students to “think before you speak” is about helping them develop a tiny delay between their thoughts and their words—a pause long enough to evaluate what (and how) they’re about to say something. That pause is worth gold. 

But what does “think” actually mean? Try this spelling trick with your students:

• T is for True—Is what you’re about to say actually accurate? Don’t spread misinformation (or hurtful rumors).
• H is for Helpful—Will your words contribute positively or add value to the conversation? 
• I is for Inspiring—Okay, maybe not all words will inspire, but is your message at least encouraging or supportive? 
• N is for Necessary—Sometimes, silence truly is golden. Is what you’re about to say really needed right now? 
• K is for Kind—At the very least, ensure your words are not intentionally hurtful. 

Students love acronyms, so having these guiding principles helps them fully grasp how to apply “Thinking before speaking.” 

Of course, simply talking about “thinking” (oh, the irony) won’t cut it—you need to show them the how. Set up classroom discussions where they can recognize moments when words might hurt or help. Use conflict scenarios to help them identify alternative, kinder responses. 

And most importantly, praise them when you’ve witnessed them practice this skill. That positive reinforcement will go a long way in making this behavior stick.

When students learn to “think before they speak,” they not only build healthier relationships, but they also develop lifelong communication skills. 

How Do You Incorporate Social-Emotional Learning Into Your Curriculum?

Now, you don’t need a complete curriculum overhaul to help students practice thinking before they speak. Start small. Focus on practical activities and techniques that seamlessly fit into your current teaching style (and already chaotic day).

1. The “Pause and Process” Chart

Create a simple visual checklist students can use when emotions run high. Something like:

1. How am I feeling right now? (Identify the emotion.)
2. Why do I feel this way? (Pinpoint the trigger.)
3. What am I about to say? (Check the words.)
4. How could the other person feel hearing this? (Step into their shoes.)

This can work for younger kids as a classroom poster or older students as a digital resource on their devices.

2. Role-Play Real-life Scenarios

Bring the lesson to life by role-playing common scenarios. For example:

• A classmate accidentally offsets a group project effort.
• Someone cuts in line for the basketball court.

Ask students to act out responses they might initially want to give (cue exaggerated reactions), then shift gears and think through more regulated replies. Encourage a few laughs along the way—it helps the lesson stick.

3. Emotional Vocabulary Building

Ever noticed how “mad” becomes the go-to for every frustration? Build students’ emotional vocabulary so they articulate subtle distinctions (“disappointed,” “annoyed,” “overwhelmed”). It’s easier to regulate emotions when they know exactly how they feel.

4. Incorporate Reflection Journals

Students (especially older ones) benefit from reflecting on how they handled situations throughout the day. Provide journal prompts:

• “When was I proud of how I handled my emotions today?”
• “What could I do differently next time?”

Not every student will write essays (and that’s OK). Even bullet points or doodles get the gears turning.

5. Quick Mood Check-Ins

At the start of the day (or even before big tests), introduce the “mood meter.” Students pick an emoji or color matching their mood. It’s a quick practice in self-awareness, and it lets you spot anyone who might need extra support.

6. Set Classroom Culture Around Thinking Before Speaking

This one isn’t an activity—it’s a mindset shift. Instead of jumping straight to consequences when a student blurts out something unkind, see it as a teachable moment. “Hey, what do you think about trying that again?” 

With time, students will learn it’s not just about the rules—it’s about learning new habits.

Think Ahead With Stanfield Company

At The Stanfield Company, we believe SEL doesn’t have to be dry or dull. That’s why we created resources to integrate emotional regulation lessons into your classroom through engaging—and yes, funny—video modeling.

Our materials match real-life situations your students face every day, helping them build self-awareness and regulation skills in a way that feels authentic. 

Gone are the days of boring lectures that fade from memory by Friday—our videos keep students entertained while delivering skills they’ll carry into adulthood.

Start simplifying your SEL lessons today with resources that work with your overloaded schedule, instead of just adding yet another to-do to your plate. Browse Stanfield’s courses to get a closer look at how our curriculum solutions can make your teaching life easier while helping students thrive.